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Camille Deadpan's avatar

Camille Deadpan

Johnny Murata: Kenner, just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man.
Chris Kenner: [nods] Thanks. I don't know what to say.

In two years Jean-Claude Van Damme made a movie Nowhere to Run (1993). In it there's a conversation between the kids and their mom. It goes like this:

Bree Anderson (a kid): [as they're eating dinner] He's got a big penis.
Clydie (mom): Bree!
Bre Anderson: He does!
Mike 'Mookie' Anderson (another kid): He was in the pond washing.
Clydie: ...He's got an average penis.
Mike 'Mookie' Anderson: How do you know?
Clydie: 'Cause I saw it.
Mike 'Mookie' Anderson: Already?
Clydie: I don't want to hear any more about penises.

So now we know.
4 years 2 months ago
Siskoid's avatar


Had an hour to kill, so I grabbed my "4 Film Favorites Martial Arts Collection" (which I'd gotten for Rumble in the Bronx and Bloodsport, of course) and watched the Dolph Lundgren/Brandon Lee B-movie samurai-cop flick Showdown in Little Tokyo. And when I say an hour, that's very close to the truth. When you take the front and back credits out, there's about 1h10 of story. And that story's pretty slim. A lot of mindless violence that even the characters think is akin to video games'. And yet, it's still pretty amusing. Dolph is a Dirty Harry whose parents were killed by the Yakuza and who dedicated himself to the Way of the Samurai, while Lee is a Valley Boy, trained in the arts, but completely disconnected from his culture. B-movie villainy must of course include uncomfortable misogyny, with a young Tia Carrere playing victim/love interest/bait, but the show at least manages to mix martial arts into the usual boring shoot-outs (it's just something I find incredibly dull in American action cinema). My advice is never thinking of police procedurals while watching this movie, because it's far afield of reality. Just like I won't question anyone thinking Lundgren is in any way a charismatic action star even though I find it completely baffling.
8 years 12 months ago
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